Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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