its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
