Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize