No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
