Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
