You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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