It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
