you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
