Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
