it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize