im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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