he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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