I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize