i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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