I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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