so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
