So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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