you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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