I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We have so much sex to catch up on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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