my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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