Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
