He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
