hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
