the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
