He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
