shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize