It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
