I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
