we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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