my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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