you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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