I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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