I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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