This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everyone says I win the strip club
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
