someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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