Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
