I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
