You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize