his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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