I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
