i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
