Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
