I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
