You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
