But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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