glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Mom said you looked used
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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