I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
