My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
