Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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