Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
