I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize