guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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