He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
