Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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