He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
