Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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