I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
