quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
