every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
