But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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