She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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