How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
where am i from again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
