you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
