i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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