if you like me you must not know who I am
I just threw up on my dentist
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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